From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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