If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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