I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
