I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
