By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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