Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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