you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
