I think I won the penis lottery.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
