Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Michael Bay diarrhea
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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