I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
