for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
