i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
