McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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