I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize