she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the high leading the old right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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