Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
