that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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