TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want her autograph on my taint
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
