Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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