Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
