So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
