Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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