I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
