if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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