i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
