you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
