Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
