3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
