i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
