There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
