Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
