this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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