And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
