the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
