I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
