Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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