sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
