My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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