Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
