Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize