wat bout pragnant strippers??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
