I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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