cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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