Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
