My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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