i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
