i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
