This is not my ceiling
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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