$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she pinky promised me she was 18
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
