he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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