i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
