She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
