The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
