well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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