If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
