Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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