So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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