I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
