My sheets look like a crime scene.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this will be a night to untag.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
