Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have to summon your inner elephant
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
