AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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