We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Mom said you looked used
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
