I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
