I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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