Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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