Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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