Is it normal to miss your booty call?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
