i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
