I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
