My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I want is dick and wine.
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