Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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