Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
