Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
