I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
