and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
