So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
