You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
