We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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