I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
