Are we in a gay sports bar?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
