Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize