this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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