do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
