im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
