Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize