What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
