My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
