thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Never joke about your clitoris.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
